from zero to nothing....

this is very hard for both of us in dis kind of situation... i know both of us made alot of mistake... like the way we talk, n we dont even have time for each other... im always bz work n im sorry bout tat...
i no longer call u snoopy dar, i no longer like to eat fish head noodle, n u no longer talk to me softly...
we start argue alot, the joke r not funny anymore...
maybe dis is the end.. thankx for everything, u the 1 who made me imagined the future when im with u...

sleep-less night

standing under the water for almost 20mins during shower... mind empty....
trying to sign in blogger for 10mins because of the stupid line...
looking at the monitor n crying...
trying to rearrange my mind now... but i cant!! fucked up!

WRONG!

i donno wat happen recently that my mood like roller coaster... suddenly happi n suddenly emo...
dis 20th hav to back office meeting, but y after meeting stil nit to go back sogo work wif noon shift? other outlet partimers r only go for meeting n without going back to work? im affraid if i voice out the manager wil get mad... from kl to mv early morning n going back to sogo work til 10pm, crazy!!!
y is he deleting the comments that he posted on my walls?? im emo cuz he nv take good care of himselve, making me feel guilty by asking him to fetch me after work when he is not feeling well... dam! all my fault! n now my fave ciggies became his enemy cuz making him sick... sigh...
no privacy at home, no right to negotiate anything at work, nobody understand...
wearing fake smiling mask everyday and act like a dumb!

1st march ~ 12th march

1. planning to change my cutex colour but the remover bottle was empty
2. fb-ing less than 2 hours aday... (last time can fb for more than 12 hours)
3. acc snoopy dar to buy his BB at sg wang wif his frenz... he was excited and cant wait to tweet using his new toy...
4. mission at ikea failed!! =.="
5. yumcha wif mofa, dar and ling at curve, kuchai's dim sum, oug steven and etc
6. cired!
7. feel so sorry to my snoopy for making him stress bcause of my childishness... but i stil love to eat 'gu lou yuk'!
8. gained weight! wtf!

happiest thing!

i feel much happier after i met him, enjoying every moment that we share together... my snoopy dar~! he make me laugh, smile and overrrrrr~! hahaha.... im crazily in love wif my snoopy dar~!
and im happy that working at sogo MAC also, all the coll r friendly, n i really enjoying working under the makeup atmosphere!
and mofa, pls stop emo la! everytime u cry bcoz of her, better save ur time of crying n go look for a job!!! save some money cuz nex year im waiting a luxury bday present from u!!
(short update for today, preparing to work now~)

Crazy week!!!!!

1. cried on the bed n talking silly things wif dar... wtf! no idea y i cried leh...
2. zam zam came down from pg, yumcha wif mofa, zam , johnny and ling at U village cafe...
3. was so hot walking at pavi wif mofa, zam and johnny last thursday... so we went to drink!! feel tipsy after few glasses beer... n back to work wif the smells of beer... lolz!
4. went to street wear party wif dar on thursday nite... met mofa, ling, zam, johnny, funkzu, monkey, odi, bee, jason, kong, micho, jeff, telwin, tallen, mc bee, fooi, kenji, taizi and etc!!!! crazy!! pls call me social queen! lolz!
5. sonic 2 days! shoulder very pain now....
6. cant believe i french kiss a gal during party! crazy! (dar emo dy... hehe)

just finished a movie call "The Rebound"! good story... itz about a mum(40 year old) and a guy(25 year old)who work as her nanny... they fall in love to each other... happy ending love story...

-recently party alot... drink drank and drunk...

-was so surprise met my sai lou at space last thursday... ^.^

-working, yumcha, club, drink, home, sleep...

-bought a skinny jeans...

-yumcha wif mofa, ling, hanzi, at jln ipoh...

-bah kut teh wif nick on wed, bah kut teh wif odi on friday...

-ayam penyek dinner wif ard n mhmh at sunway last sunday... i start loving the sambal sauce!

-miss sumbody so much but cant do anything

-movie wif justin at ts last saturday

-planning to eat bah kut teh to9 again! (can cause me high fever!)

-cleaning my room, washing the clothes, washing the toilet

random

1. u village cafe

2. valentino's white dress

3. chaumet's book of tiara

4. marlboro black menthol

5. starhill's smoking area

6. heart tat left in the car

7. bed... dreams

8. morning calls/sms

9. 'sound' that have to 'tahan' (we laugh 2gether)

10. gong lou ban min??

11. silly silly silly thingz

12. ask me not to worry, but stil the worriest thing n worst thing happened...

13. "point" and "tniop"

14. ham bao.....

blood anyone?

have u ever tasting ur own blood? n u find it taste special n u start to love it? i did!

1st case,remember when i was in secondary school, been cut during doing some homework.... my fingers bleed, i look at it for a second.... i found the blood was so nice... the color... the texture.... i let it drop on my table, my uniform skirt n floor.... during tat time, im not willing to bind the cut til my frenz were so worry n bind them for me...

2nd case, i was cutting a red apple, i removed the skin of the apple n i start cutting it into pieces... i accidently cut my finger, n im enjoying looking at the blood drop on the apple... the apple whitout skin was turning from white to red again... n i droped some on the floor... my cats lick from the floor...

3rd case, when i was studying biology, there is a experiment of testing blood type, i like to use the lancet to poke my fingers... test n test n test... n helping others to poke thier fingers since they r affraid of poking the finger...

4th case, a cut on my hand, lil bleed, i take the blood from the wound, n apply it on my lips, testing the color... haha, it gave a natural red color for the lips...

now, i ezly can taste my blood by sucking my gum... it taste lil sour, lil sweet...

my blood type??!? hahaha... AB blood in my body...

here r some collection image from me.... enjoy~

nothing

u da 1 who choose, or im da 1 who choose the decision?

i tot i wont b crying after the decision, but i dont care whether im working not, i am crying alone in the shop... try to calm myself wif few ciggies... too much lies, too much sweet talk, too much u... i donno wat we r now... everything was happen too fast n too sudden...

BLAMING MYSELF AGAIN!!!

home alone night

been to puchong just now with bunch of frenz... doing and talking bout real serious things... mofa n ling were so quiet during the journey of sending me home... i guess each of us has lots of problem n things to consider n think... i was pretending normal, steady during hanging out with my frenz... btw, a big pimple on my folehead and another big 1 on back of my neck! serious painful!!

reached home bout 10 mins ago... n i remember that i didnt eat anything today... oh yes, maybe juz my favorite RECOLA sweets only... n cigg of course.... and now, i dont even feel any hunger...

removing my makeup during writting dis blog... honestly, dont really know y am i talking sumthing doesnt make sense now... lolz! maybe itz juz because of i cant do 'sumthing' tat i really wish to do rite now... no connection at all during dis period... so im juz can bla bla bla on my blog and fb... lolz...

was planning to do nautica stars on feet soon... n yesterday juz took of my nose pierce, i know itz kinda ugly due to the hole of the pierce and i really like the nose pierce... but wat can i do? since itz not good to my life...

sumtimes, things tat i wish doesnt mean i can get wat i wish... things tat i see, doesnt mean it is the truth.... changing attitude might b a problem for me, cuz i changed my hot temper attitude since long time ago, now im already try as simple as i possible, but y things stil cant work out?!

waiting

remember u said how come i didnt write sumthing regarding bout u, itz becoz i cant.... n now u know wat happend...
there was a person who talk alot to me last nite, most of the things he talk bout me r not good to my life... maybe thatz my destiny.... i really wish i can trust u, but how can all this happen? u're the 1 who cheers me up when i was down, bring happiness back to me... n now, i dont get it... why is so complicated??
why ppl going crazy n u're going to care so much... wat if im da 1 who go crazy??
everything is going back to basic?? u donno me, i donno u... is tat all u wan?
the only thing u wan me to do is wait.....? n i was so speechless after hearing that....

the past few days

2. mid valley MAC event for 5 days.... 1 word--> TIRED!
3. dar's phone out of batt, waited him at mv bus stop for 30mins, lucky he clever come n look for me
4. during event, every meal also malay rice... every meal also got chicken.... n fucking spicy sambal cause me 2 ulcers!!
5. broke 2 pairs of shoes cause of runing, standing and walking during work...
6. sleep dead everynite
7. miss bah kut teh so much!!!!!!!!! craving now!

THANKS ALOT!

thank you for giving me 2 unforgetable valentines days surprises!!

everybody must wondering i had a happi valentines days in this year.... good guess! but wrong!

no matter how i love u, u stil da 1 who hurt me so much... im done of it!! calling me n questioning me alot bcoz of that gal?! my god!! r u insane!! hurting me again n again... last time i try sms n call u but no reply! n now bcoz of tat gal u keep calling me n question me!?!? wat a joke!! if u cant settle it urself pls dont come n bother me with the thought of hurting me!! i dont care that u're gonna call me bitch or crazy woman! i dont care anymore!!

from the beginning u already know im tat kind of person! if u cant stand for it pls dont do so much during tat period! dont make me crazy love u then u tell me u had enough n giving some kind of stupid excuses to seperate and only a fool like me will simply accept!!!

i didnt tell any1 tat u're bad!! ppl keep telling me u're a jerk! but i corrected them that u're not tat kind of person n u're nice!!! wtf!! n now wat i get?!?? million of daggers stab into my heart ok?!??!?

fuck it!

i thought i was happy since dis morning.... listening to owl city's songs... calm melodies...

but during dis time, i keep texting the sms, n delete it without sending out.... doing the same shit for few times.... but i am so much curious than every1 else... im not sure later im gonna send out the text or not....

i dont even know why is he doing all this to me... i did no fault, i am not angry, and i try to forget it! but the more he treat me like this, the more i feel curious n started with a liltle anger... who am i he think?? i just wanna be as casual as i can... but the way he doing all this are so bull shit!! im not those crazy woman as wat he think ok?? and please... im not blind...

anyway, i am the 1 try to b casual, no point for avoiding me or ignoring me.... i dont eat ppl...(but i like to imagine eating human meat... lolz)...

*fuck all the negative thinking!!

*fuck all the bull shit excuses!!

*fuck cuz i know he might not bother anymore....

*fuck cuz i am suppose to b angry, but im not!!!!!!!!!!

M.A.C training and tired days

some old pics of me n melvin during a year+ relationship

yesterday start wif the mac spring collection training, a fun day n knew some new friends, lizzie from sabah and wayne from penang... nice people....

after the training, BB the trainer want us to wear dolly like dress during the event, n the problems come... cuz i dont even hav a single dress of the dolly like dress... gonna invest some money on those during dis fucking poor period... =.="

after the training, went to burger's studio n saw melvin was there practicing his dj skill, i feel like im back to yesterday which im still coupling with him... he still the same, quiet, fair, good loong and skinny... i was sitting there, enjoying the music n smoking... then, melvin asked me for lunch... we juz sitting at the mamak, didnt talk much as usual...

after lunch, a old schoolmate ask me for drink/dinner when im about to buy the tix of monorail to head back home, luckily he called me earlier... he pick me up at sg wang, n we went to a place that gave me lotz of memories... remind me those happi time... we talk alot during the conversation, he stil as funny as previous time... i knew he was trying to make me feel better since he knew tat i was feeling down... thankz alot man! u always the good guy that not available... lolz!!!(he not my ideal bf, but stil my ideal best fren forever!! thankx jun jie!)

day 2,

today, the 2nd day of training, the gal who sitting nex to me hav to do a make over for me... n the nightmares come!! she is not graduated wif professional makeup skill... the way she applying makeup on me was rude, harsh and i dont even understand wat shez explaining of the product during the process! she poked my eyes, pushing my head, turning my head... im not a doll of her la!! dont treat me like a corpse!! in the end... when i look at myself in da mirror... i lookz much or horrible than without makeup!!!! wat the hell!!! after i done the make over for her, i quickly removed the makeup on my face... really cant stand it! and of course she is so satisfy with the makeup i did for her, even my manager also said it was great!! (happi!!!)

now, im juz sitting at home n watching movies... downloading some nds games, it is been such a long time i didnt update my nds games...

btw... any1 wanna ask me out for drink? or hang out?! hahahaha.....

hot hot days!

things been doing this few days:

1. met ard... n stairs talk for quite long...

2. watched <> wif ard at sunway... great movie and percy juz the type of guy i like, lookz weak, skinny and cute... but he is too young!

3. eating satay at anna's house

4. drink, drank, drunk!

5. yumcha wif ling at mofa at starbucks.... chui sui while mofa is buring tissue (the middle east uncle was shocked!!)

6. gumbling at kent's and anson's house... win around 20 bucks! yahoo... at last i win sum money during cny! lolz... n fall asleep at kent's house... nice sofa but lotz of mosquito ler!

7. eating bah kut teh wif mic at jln ipoh... nice 1!

8. cant remember wat happened... lolz!

9. im thinking... im thinking....

10. eating the same green tea ice cream at sunway... my fave!

11. sniffing the cigg b4 light it

12. went to visit hong and lai at hospital... hope hong gonna b fine, n lai gonna recover soon!

things going to do....:

1. attend m.a.c training

2. last last last last... final final things to do is...

3. diet!!

4. tasting own blood... (almost everyday im tasting)

5. can i keep the smell of people? as my collection?! lolz

6. praying hard for hong....

7. trying to understand y guyz r complicated now adays

8. look for a lesbian love

9. keep talking nonsense

10. delete delete delete and delete (if im able to delete)

Chinese New Year.....

during this big day of chinese, i was empty... keep smoking, thinking, n dreaming all the time... not very enjoy the moment with family and relatives.... they never understand what im thinking n what i want..... *sometimes i myself also dont know what im thinking*

can't feel any cny season at all.... a very hard month for me.... but the beginning of the month was happy hanging out with friends, enjoy every moment that we shared... but cny just a very worst period of the month... as the old folks always say: life must go with bitter follow by sweetness (先苦后甜)... i think i got messed with it... lol!! was sweet at first, now suffering with bitter feeling...

looking the messy things at my home, i wish to clean up a lil..... but im just too lazy... lol... i wish my previous pets can accompany when im alone n quiet at home... i miss my catz... pets will never leave me unless they get sick n die, or im the 1 who leave them....

Stare.....

i like to stare at you when we're not talking,

i too curious on you...

it is sweet when u r pretending to punch my face if im staring at u n making a silly smile to u....

birthday month

1. 2nd Jan 2010, heartbroken
2. meet back a long lost fren
3. hang out alot with mofa chin,ling, huat, kenji, william n wisley
4. location: wisley's house, sg wang, ts, damansara, hartamas, mr.cow, uma rani etc...
5. been really heartbroke for the sms from a person
6. bought few tshirts... not so satisfy
7. cut and dye my hair by myself... cause too poor...
8. celeb bday with huat at damansara... enjoy the moment very much even just 2 of us
9. argue with kenji
10. yumcha til morning 6am
11. sleeping time: 1 hour for at least 3 days
12. drop mobile phone on the floor for almost everyday
13. done a pair of ribbon tattoo on my both wrist
14. lappy's batt broken bcause of the fight between my mum n bro
15. watch the whole series of SAW and Hannibal lecter
16. 2nd Feb... new start
17. waiting for salary.... cny around the corner n now havent buy a single shirt
18. muaks!!!!!!!!!!!

retribution

dis might the end for us.... but seriously im fall into him... i try so hard to forget an accept him as a fren like b4... but itz too hard for me to talk to him, i hav no guts to contact him.... i party, drink, n hang out alot wif my frenz juz donwanna stay at home n recall back those memories....

i know itz sound kinda stupid to ask for reason to leave.... so i didnt ask any...

everything happen too fast? itz a joke... since we know each other quite some time.... i hope dis nv happen at all... itz like im digging a hole for myself since the day we r together...

i thought we kinda mature in the relationship.... i guess im wrong... i dont even know watz he's thinking... could it b retribution on me??!?!?! if yes... tatz too cruel for me... watz the meaning of those sweet sms n call?? it doesnt mean anything to him?? god!!! im going crazy!!!

2010....

itz 2010... birthday around the corner... another year....

new year start so miserably... regrettable trip... a trip tat i was so looking forward, a time to show some care.... but end up back to kl wif fucked up feel... lolz... im always fucked up...

maybe im too dumb or too stupid... u're too smart....

i tot being dumb n keep silence can feel more happy and avoid conflict... but i think im wrong...

stil remember that u told me u gonna gel ur hair nicely to visit my family... lolz.... u were explaining n being a 'human gps' all da way to ur house... im really enjoy listen to u, it was fun n happy...

conclusion for last week: im stupid.....